Your parents' footsteps

If you had a different father, would you have the same shoes? This is just one of the great metaphysical conundrums of our time. Presumably you would have one shoe the same (the one on your mother's side) and the other shoe would be different. How different would depend how different your father is, for example does he like to eat wood whilst at the same time being morally opposed to furniture? If you find yourself with completely different shoes, you'd do well to question the validity of both your parents and check that your laces haven't been tied together. If you have no shoes at all, do not panic, there is a good chance you are wearing a nice pair of socks. Your parents' union is crucial to your existence, therefore you should be grateful for their romantic endeavours and you should give them a present on your birthday or, better still, on the day of your conception. Presents can include a copy of the Dream Warriors classic hip-hop album "and now the legacy begins", a season ticket to West Bromwich Albion or a free leaflet about obstructive sleep apnea.