Play time

Dear Samuel Beckett Estate,

I am writing to you today in order to apply for the rights to the Samuel Beckett play, "Happy Days". This is because, as good as the play is (and it is), it could be a lot better. All you need to do is rewrite the play and make it more like the American 70's TV show, "Happy Days". Needless to say, I am just the man for the job.

Once you have granted me permission to rewrite Mr Beckett's play, here is a taste of what I intend to do:

ACT 1 SCENE 1. THE FONZ IS STUCK IN A MOUND UP TO HIS WAIST. HE COMBS HIS HAIR. SILENCE. THERE IS A JUKEBOX TO ONE SIDE. HE BANGS IT AND IT STARTS PLAYING ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK BY BILL HALEY & THE COMETS. THIS SIGNALS THAT ONE OF THE KEY THEMES OF THE PLAY WILL BE TIME. THE MUSIC STOPS. SILENCE AGAIN. THIS SIGNALS THAT ONE OF THE KEY THEMES OF THE PLAY WILL BE SILENCE.

FONZ: How time flies when one is stuck in a mound up to one's waist! (PAUSE) A waist of time, if you will! If you won't then I certainly will! (FONZ COMBS HIS HAIR AGAIN.) SILENCE. BLACK OUT. END OF ACT 1.


ACT 2 SCENE 1. THE FONZ IS STUCK IN A MOUND UP TO HIS NECK.

FONZ: Look at this mound. I'm up to my neck in it. (HE TRIES TO HIT THE JUKE BOX WITH HIS HEAD. HE CANNOT. HE TRIES TO COMB HIS HAIR. HE CANNOT. THIS SIGNALS THAT ONE OF THE KEY THEMES OF THE PLAY WILL BE FAILURE.)

FONZ: Oh, well, life goes on. Hey!

SILENCE. BLACKOUT. THIS SIGNALS THE END OF THE PLAY. THE END.

I'm sure you'll agree that this new and improved version of the play is most definitely new and improved. Mr Beckett would be ever so grateful to me, so I expect you to grant me the rights ASAP and then I can begin my world tour before Henry Winkler dies.

Yours sincerely,

Gerry Howell