Hallo, are you sitting comfortably? You may not even be sitting. My friend Jake from Denmark put his back out just before Christmas and now he can’t sit down so he stands or lies a lot. I think he is all right, though, he’s one of those guys pretty comfortable regardless but this is not a story about Jake; this story is about you. That’s to say in the sense that it is written in the second person but that may change according to the mood I’m in.
Allow me to introduce you. You are Harold, Awkward Harold but your real name is Harlod Wakward. Your parents can’t spell, don’t ask me why - there are many things in this world I am not privy to, sorry about that, that’s just the way it is. I do know, however, that you are very excited because you have never been the hero of a story before. You are not eponymous, but you are still the hero. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You are not like Jake, you are sometimes very uncomfortable but that is because you care about stuff. Too much, too soon as they say.
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