A job for life

Dear British Institute of Funeral Directors,

I have been thinking about becoming a funeral director ever since my cat died and I organised a funeral for him which went really well and people came from the village and remarked how professional I looked dressed up in black and white (someone even said I looked a bit like Postman Pat's cat - how appropriate!).

This was many years ago but the feeling of making something nice out of death has never left me. As a child, I was obsessed with death and the fact that our lives are deeply rooted in existential incongruity, being as we are conscious beings and knowing that we are all going to die. I am not obsessed anymore but I still suffer extreme death anxiety at least once a week. This takes the form of hiding in a cupboard or trying to kill an insurance salesman by singing acapella (Gregorian chant or barbershop). With my keen interest in death, and very limited life experience, I feel I would make an excellent funeral director.

Please could you send me an application form so I can begin directing funerals as soon as possible?

Many thanks,

Gerry Jobsworth

P.s life's a journey, death the ultimate pitstop.