Large Hadron Collider with chips

The world's most powerful physics experiment (Large Hadron Collider) will on Wednesday re-create the conditions after the Big Bang in an attempt to answer fundamental questions of science and the universe itself. Here are the questions in case you were wondering:

(1) How did the earth begin and what was the intro music?
(2) How come there is something as opposed to nothing and why is Jeremy Clarkson so successful?
(3) Is there a God and does he cut his own hair?


And here are the answers in case you can't wait until Wednesday.
(1) The earth began an E please Bob and the music was "You give love a bad name" by Bon Jovi
(2) There is something because nothing is nothing so nothing is something too and Jeremy Clarkson is a good example of anti matter.
(3) There may be a God; if there is one, he is bald, if there isn't then yes and he has an NVQ level 3 in barbering.

Some people are concerned that the experiment will create a black hole at the centre of the earth and cause it to implode. This is unlikely. Others are concerned that the Pacific Ocean will turn to custard. This will almost certainly happen.

Trance would be a fine thing

Dear College of Psychic studies,

I would very much like to be considered for a place on your advanced trance course. Actually, I think I would be better suited to a teaching role. If life has taught me anything, it's that I am much better at teaching than learning! I have been a big fan of trance ever since I went to a rave organised by my brother's girlfriend, Ode, in Eltham Palace (Henry VIII's old house). My brother was the DJ and it was mostly uplifting trance that was played but some classic trance too and I enjoyed both very much and then flew home.

I did some research in a book and found out that trance music was not invented when Henry VIII was alive, but if it had been then he certainly would have liked it and that is why my brother played mostly trance. Have you ever been to Eltham Palace, it is well worth a visit and there is a bridge over a dry moat too which is great for people who like moats but cannot swim?

Back to trance, the reason I want to teach it is this:

Apparently my great great grandfather was privy to the secret of the universe but then he was run over by a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and died. I would like to contact him on the other side and find out his secret. If you give me a place on your course, I will share the secret with you and our students and together we can take over the world.

I look forward to being inaugurated as Senior Trance tutor soon.

Kind regards,

Gerry