The world's most powerful physics experiment (Large Hadron Collider) will on Wednesday re-create the conditions after the Big Bang in an attempt to answer fundamental questions of science and the universe itself. Here are the questions in case you were wondering:
(1) How did the earth begin and what was the intro music?
(2) How come there is something as opposed to nothing and why is Jeremy Clarkson so successful?
(3) Is there a God and does he cut his own hair?
And here are the answers in case you can't wait until Wednesday.
(1) The earth began an E please Bob and the music was "You give love a bad name" by Bon Jovi
(2) There is something because nothing is nothing so nothing is something too and Jeremy Clarkson is a good example of anti matter.
(3) There may be a God; if there is one, he is bald, if there isn't then yes and he has an NVQ level 3 in barbering.
Some people are concerned that the experiment will create a black hole at the centre of the earth and cause it to implode. This is unlikely. Others are concerned that the Pacific Ocean will turn to custard. This will almost certainly happen.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Monday, 14 July 2008
Land, ho!
Dear Queen Elizabeth 2,
I heard that you were retiring at the end of this year to become a floating hotel in Dubai. Congratulations, a very sensible move I will definitely come and stay on you. I have not had the chance to go on one of your cruises because I heard about all the ships that go missing in the Bermuda Triangle and got scared. Do you have any friends that have gone missing? Do you miss them? I would. Did you know it was also called the Devil's triangle? Do you believe in the Devil? Can you believe in the Devil if you don't believe in God? If God had a triangle, do you think it would it be scalene? Probably equilateral, I'd say. Where would it be? Probably around the Channel Islands. Have you ever been to the Channel Islands? That is a stupid question. I bet you have been everywhere, in your time, on your travels. You have had such a blessed and happy life! Please don't go to the Bermuda Triangle! Woe betide you if you do. Do you like that expression? Nice expressions won't save you from the Devil. Repent! Save your souls, SOS! Walk the plank but first take it out of your own eye!
Best wishes,
Gerry
P.s I was at a ship party on the weekend in Battersea (a ship party as I am sure you know already is a party where all the people dress up as a ship, not to be confused with a boat party which is a party set on a boat and I dressed up as a roll-on/roll-off ship and came second, the winner was Michael Barrymore who went as the Mayflower even though she was dismantled years ago and he wasn't even invited the fat bitch).
I heard that you were retiring at the end of this year to become a floating hotel in Dubai. Congratulations, a very sensible move I will definitely come and stay on you. I have not had the chance to go on one of your cruises because I heard about all the ships that go missing in the Bermuda Triangle and got scared. Do you have any friends that have gone missing? Do you miss them? I would. Did you know it was also called the Devil's triangle? Do you believe in the Devil? Can you believe in the Devil if you don't believe in God? If God had a triangle, do you think it would it be scalene? Probably equilateral, I'd say. Where would it be? Probably around the Channel Islands. Have you ever been to the Channel Islands? That is a stupid question. I bet you have been everywhere, in your time, on your travels. You have had such a blessed and happy life! Please don't go to the Bermuda Triangle! Woe betide you if you do. Do you like that expression? Nice expressions won't save you from the Devil. Repent! Save your souls, SOS! Walk the plank but first take it out of your own eye!
Best wishes,
Gerry
P.s I was at a ship party on the weekend in Battersea (a ship party as I am sure you know already is a party where all the people dress up as a ship, not to be confused with a boat party which is a party set on a boat and I dressed up as a roll-on/roll-off ship and came second, the winner was Michael Barrymore who went as the Mayflower even though she was dismantled years ago and he wasn't even invited the fat bitch).
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