Once upon a time (back in the 80s) there lived an awkward foal. Despite being well over a year old, it was still definitely regarded as a foal and absolutely not a horse. Neither a filly or a colt, it was simply an indeterminate and dubious foal and a phenomenally awkward one at that.
In those days (back in the 80s) it was believed by the majority of the cognisant population that awkwardness was simply a hapless accident of birth but now it is widely accepted that it is not only awkwardness but life itself that is an inevitable, unremitting and unbearable accident of birth.
The awkward foal lived to be about six (6) and then awkwardly passed away.
The end.
p.s At the funeral there gathered a couple (3 to be exact) of animals (a donkey, a pigeon and a stoat) but they didn't know each other so no-one knew what to say.
p.p.s for example, eventually after the ceremony was over, (everyone was surprised at how long it was but said nothing) the donkey said to the stoat, "are you a weasel?" and the stoat said "no" and the donkey said "oh, i find it quite difficult to tell the difference," and then when it couldn't have been more awkwarder, the pigeon shat all over the coffin and it became even more awkward than it had ever been before.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
A job for life
Dear British Institute of Funeral Directors,
I have been thinking about becoming a funeral director ever since my cat died and I organised a funeral for him which went really well and people came from the village and remarked how professional I looked dressed up in black and white (someone even said I looked a bit like Postman Pat's cat - how appropriate!).
This was many years ago but the feeling of making something nice out of death has never left me. As a child, I was obsessed with death and the fact that our lives are deeply rooted in existential incongruity, being as we are conscious beings and knowing that we are all going to die. I am not obsessed anymore but I still suffer extreme death anxiety at least once a week. This takes the form of hiding in a cupboard or trying to kill an insurance salesman by singing acapella (Gregorian chant or barbershop). With my keen interest in death, and very limited life experience, I feel I would make an excellent funeral director.
Please could you send me an application form so I can begin directing funerals as soon as possible?
Many thanks,
Gerry Jobsworth
P.s life's a journey, death the ultimate pitstop.
I have been thinking about becoming a funeral director ever since my cat died and I organised a funeral for him which went really well and people came from the village and remarked how professional I looked dressed up in black and white (someone even said I looked a bit like Postman Pat's cat - how appropriate!).
This was many years ago but the feeling of making something nice out of death has never left me. As a child, I was obsessed with death and the fact that our lives are deeply rooted in existential incongruity, being as we are conscious beings and knowing that we are all going to die. I am not obsessed anymore but I still suffer extreme death anxiety at least once a week. This takes the form of hiding in a cupboard or trying to kill an insurance salesman by singing acapella (Gregorian chant or barbershop). With my keen interest in death, and very limited life experience, I feel I would make an excellent funeral director.
Please could you send me an application form so I can begin directing funerals as soon as possible?
Many thanks,
Gerry Jobsworth
P.s life's a journey, death the ultimate pitstop.
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