The Condition

Peter proposed to his girlfriend, June in July in a poppy field near Aldershot, a town in the English county of Hampshire about 60 miles south west of London administered by Rushmoor Borough Council. Peter worked for the council as a junior administrator whilst June was captain of the cheerleaders for Aldershot Football club. What a team they made! (Peter and June, not Aldershot). Peter popped the question just as June climbed over a stile so that he wouldn’t have to kneel down and put undue pressure on his languishing joints. Peter had dodgy knees but was, on the plus side, a dab hand at chess. June, on the other hand, had an exemplary set of knees but could only see in black and white.

“I will marry you, Peter - but one on condition.”

“Name it,” said Peter.  

“I want to have a threesome.”

“Great,” said Peter, genuinely enthused. “Me too. With a man or a woman?”

“Both,” said June. “But not with you.”

Peter was confused.

“I’m confused,” said Peter. “You want to have a threesome, but not with me?”

“That’s right,” said June. “With Karen and Alan.”

“Karen and Alan,” repeated Peter. “Our best friends?”

“That’s right,” said June. “It was actually Alan’s idea. Apparently he’s dynamite in bed and he says he’d love to do with it me and Karen. Karen’s very open minded and a massive slut too so she’s up for it and I want to see what it’s like to sleep with a man with fully functioning knees.”

Peter was mortified. He had always hated his knees but never more so than now. “And what about me?” he said. “Perhaps I could spend the night with a couple of your cheerleading colleagues?”

“No,” said June. “They’re like wild animals; you wouldn’t be able to handle them. But you can watch me and Karen and Alan if you like, you might learn something.”

“OK,” said Peter, “I’d like that.”

“And then we can get married,” said June, stepping sassily down from the stile, “and play as much chess as you like without feeling guilty.”