Land, ho!

Dear Queen Elizabeth 2,

I heard that you were retiring at the end of this year to become a floating hotel in Dubai. Congratulations, a very sensible move I will definitely come and stay on you. I have not had the chance to go on one of your cruises because I heard about all the ships that go missing in the Bermuda Triangle and got scared. Do you have any friends that have gone missing? Do you miss them? I would. Did you know it was also called the Devil's triangle? Do you believe in the Devil? Can you believe in the Devil if you don't believe in God? If God had a triangle, do you think it would it be scalene? Probably equilateral, I'd say. Where would it be? Probably around the Channel Islands. Have you ever been to the Channel Islands? That is a stupid question. I bet you have been everywhere, in your time, on your travels. You have had such a blessed and happy life! Please don't go to the Bermuda Triangle! Woe betide you if you do. Do you like that expression? Nice expressions won't save you from the Devil. Repent! Save your souls, SOS! Walk the plank but first take it out of your own eye!

Best wishes,


Gerry

P.s I was at a ship party on the weekend in Battersea (a ship party as I am sure you know already is a party where all the people dress up as a ship, not to be confused with a boat party which is a party set on a boat and I dressed up as a roll-on/roll-off ship and came second, the winner was Michael Barrymore who went as the Mayflower even though she was dismantled years ago and he wasn't even invited the fat bitch).