Chairman Howell

Dear Microsoft,

I heard about Bill Gates retiring as your Chairman and said to myself "Why not?" You need a new chairman and I'm a man who loves chairs. I have lots at home, sometimes i play musical chairs with my deaf grandma. You may think this is unfair but she is in a wheelchair so it evens out. I also know a thing or two about computers. For example, a computer is not just for Christmas. In fact, a computer is really not for Christmas at all. Christmas for me is all about taking stock and being at one with oneself and some other people too. Like brothers and sisters and evil dictators from Africa. Difficult I know but it was possible to stop fighting during the first world war for a truce and a game of football so why can't we all try and put aside our differences for one day and a mince pie and resume the rape and pillage in the morning? Unless it's a bank holiday. Secondly, computers are useful but only because we've let them become so. For example, if you went back in time and took your laptop with you, say, to the dinosaur period, you wouldn't have much need for your computer and soon the battery would run out and you wouldn't be able to re-charge it. So there.

I would really like to be chairman of Microsoft. I have a friend who works in PC world and he say's you get training when you start a job so I think I would be fine.

I look forward to telling you all what to do really soon.

Many thanks,

Gerry

p.s please give me this job, when i was at school i made a bet with the devil that one day i'd be boss of computer company and if i lose the bet, then he will make me tory, like him.

A really cool museum

Dear Museum of the Rockies,

I would very much like to work for you in the capacity of Director of Paleontology and/or Artist in residence. I understand that you have no vacancies at the moment but when you hear what I have to offer, then I am sure you will be able to fit me in:

(1) The other day I exhumed a really big egg from my back garden and decided that it belonged to a new kind of dinosaur which hadn't been named yet. I called it Gerryosaurus.
(2) The very next day I did a really good painting of Gerryosaurus and called it Gerryosaurus.

This is my experience so far and I intend to build on it at the Museum of the Rockies. Perhaps if you don't have any room for new staff, I could share an office with your current Curator of Paleontology, John "Jack" Horner, I expect he spends most of his time away from the middle of the room thus leaving it free for me.

Yours truly,

Gerry