The Life and Death of Terence Clam

Terence Clam was a self styled post-modern existentialist

and the number one male model in Swanage. Every Tuesday

he would lecture pithily (or with pith) at the end of the

pier on the philosophy of Soren Kiekergaard whilst

wearing nothing but a pair of Speedos and a black beret

(or sometimes a pith helmet if it was sunny).

"Tell us about the ontological problem of being!" people would say.

"Yes," others would say, "then let's have an orgy!"

Terence Clam may have been all things to all men,

and lest we forget, all women but found severely

wanting was he by a reactionary group of fundamentalist seagulls,

who pecked him to death during a Sartre symposium at the

Studland Naturist Reserve.

“As an existentialist, Terence would have believed that a

proper understanding of, and the right attitude towards death,

one's own death, is not only a sine qua non of genuine experience

but also of gaining any illumination about the nature of the world,”

one person said.

“Yes," said everyone else, “ now can we have an orgy?”