Police sir, can I have some more?

The Chief of Police has allegedly arrested himself for attempting to steal his own alter ego. He was spotted outside his home in the early hours of this morning in a gruesome self-reflexive tussle which ended in a bloody nose and a mini identity crisis. The Chief of Police took himself to the nearest police station and questioned himself on his whereabouts, his motives and what he thought about Kant. The Chief of Police has come under fire lately over the way he dealt with several high profile incidents including the shooting of an innocent man and the drawing of a naked penguin.

"It is most likely that the Chief of Police will now step down," said his step aerobics instructor, Bruce from Balham. "This is traditionally the next move, and I don't see any reason why this should be different."

The Chief of Police has since apologised for the inappropriate picture of the penguin. It was supposed to be a nun.

Law-sutism

The Lord Chief Justice today gave tradition a cheeky slap on the bum when he took off his wig in court and exclaimed:
"Criminals come in all shapes and sizes so why discriminate against judges with hair? I have the deepest respect for crooks, reprobates and scoundrels and I can assure you this has nothing to do with hirsutism. "
The courtroom was stunned, mainly because no-one knew what he was talking about. After lunch, a spokesperson who looked a bit like a horse explained that they wanted to update the Judiciary and make judges look more in touch with the modern world.
"From now on judges with or without a full head of hair will be able, nay, encouraged to appear in court without headgear. One step at a time, nay, as judges without heads will still unfortunately be working from home. Please can I have some more hay?"