Coffee or something?

Barry Quince was really into art and Japanese girls (and stuff like that) so imagine his delight when he met a beautiful and talented young sculptress from Nagasaki! 

"I'm into all things artsy and Japanesey," said Barry Quince in a gallery in a certain part of town that used to be just another part of town but was now considered to be the new somewhere or other part of town, if you see what I mean. "Would you like to, I dunno, maybe go for a coffee or something?" 

"No thank you," said the sculptress from Nagasaki. "I'm too busy being, I dunno, artsy and Japanesey for coffee or something." 

The Eurovision Song Contest

Steve Gibbon had always dreamed of competing in the Eurovision Song Contest.
He worked in Rumblelows and did Karaoke at the local pub every week. 
Then Rumblelows closed down and Steve Gibbon lost his voice. 
He tried to get a job at Dixon's but he couldn't speak. 
He tried to get a job at Curry's but still couldn't speak. 
Steve Gibbon's voice never came back, he still dreams of competing in the Eurovision Song Contest and is confident his chances haven't been affected at all.

Manliness

Joseph Leadbelly was feeling all manly and paternal. His new wife had a bun in the oven and was going to have a baby. Joseph was pretty sure he and his wife hadn't consummated their marriage but he was so excited about his impending fatherhood that he really didn't mind. “Maybe it will be another Jesus baby!” he said to himself, deciding on balance there was slightly less shame in being a Christian than a cuckold. 

The Broken Teapot

In a purely light-hearted way Nancy and Clara used to argue about which of them was more gay. “I am” Nancy would say. “No I am” Clara would say. After a play fight got out of hand in a tea shop in Whitley Bay, Nancy and Clara paid for the broken teapot and reluctantly agreed that all lesbians were gay, but some were more so than others. More importantly, they would now have to find a new favourite teashop to while away the day; one that would welcome all manner of couples, however straight or gay.

4 star review of my brand new show at the Brighton Fringe Festival

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